Arthur Cremelie

I've been thinking about this topic for a long time. And the more I took on bigger responsibilities, the more it grew on me. As if something inside of me was warning myself, but you just seem to neglect it and label it as stepping out of your comfort zone. And for a long time, I kept it for myself. Not because I didn't want to talk about it (actually quite the opposite), but because I didn't know the importance of it.

That is until you learn what ambition without limits costs you. When you're so busy you don't even realise you're hurting the people you love the most. Because you're thinking about later, and optimising everything for that future. And that's completely defensible. Working hard for your own future is beautiful. It means that you care enough about living a life where money can't be the biggest uncertainty.

I don't know why people work hard¹. I don't even know why I did. It just seemed normal. It seemed normal to finally see the world at your fingertips, and do anything you can to develop your talents and use them to do great things. To do good for a lot of people. I worked hard because I care about the world. I want the world to be a better place. And the moment I saw I was actually able to have an impact, I just said yes to almost every opportunity that would allow me to amplify my impact. You think, why not?

You can learn things, you can meet new people, new opportunities can come your way, you could earn respect and have the ability to prove yourself. For me it was mostly because of the experience. To learn things. To be able to make choices and see how they benefit others. And I think that's beautiful.

When you have some appetite to do great things, when you feel things deeply, you feel that you can bring some of those feelings towards others. You see that you can change things for the better. You see that your choices are right. Not always. But the direction is right. You become unstoppable.

Don't get me wrong. We need people like this. Innovation doesn't happen overnight. It needs people with relentless ambition and an eye for detail. It needs people who can't stop thinking about what they're doing. The world needs people who are willing to sacrifice certain aspects of their life in order to drive innovation or create jobs. Without it, Steve Jobs wouldn't have pushed to invent the iPhone (for a long time, he denied being the father of his daughter). Bill Gates wouldn't have written the software that enabled everyday users to use computers (he acknowledged deep regret about missed vacations and broken relationships).

"When I was your age, I didn’t believe in vacations. I didn’t believe in weekends. I pushed everyone around me to work very long hours. In the early days of Microsoft, my office overlooked the parking lot—and I would keep track of who was leaving early and staying late. But as I got older—and especially once I became a father—I realized there is more to life than work. Don’t wait as long as I did to learn this lesson. Take time to nurture your relationships, to celebrate your successes, and to recover from your losses."

— Bill Gates, NAU Commencement Speech

And these may seem like extremes, but they aren't. We all have the same amount of hours in a day. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates had a big impact on how we live our day-to-day lives. But you don't have to invent the iPhone or write the first versions of Windows to make the same kind of sacrifices. Actually, a lot of people make these sacrifices.

But at what cost? For a long time I didn't know what making those sacrifices meant. Certainly, I heard these stories before. But it didn't feel relatable. "Because they are doing incredible things, and I'm just a regular guy." Starting a business felt natural, listening to podcasts about startups felt natural, hearing how others are doing it was inspirational. I did the same. I once gave a talk about entrepreneurship for a whole room of young undergraduates. I told them how much energy I got from "creating work" and being able to pay others for it. To give opportunities to other people. How much you can accomplish by just starting and how many people you can get to know when you're putting yourself out there. I went on trips where I saw how founders, who in the end are not other than me, are building something impactful.

I thought I could have it all. But you can't. And that realisation can be painful. In life, you get to choose how you spend your time. You can choose to work hard on something. You can choose to work yourself up in the corporate world. But that also means you're choosing to spend less time on living life.

This piece of a post by Christian Keil, investor at a16z, particularly struck me.

I found that fatherhood was the ANSWER to my hunger in many ways. I was ambitious, certainly. But having kids made me realize that "ambition" is kinda fake; it's striving without a true end goal. (No, fame, riches, and "doing something important" are not true end goals.)

As soon as you look your own child in the eyes — now THERE'S an end goal. Ineffable to anyone who hasn't had a kid, maybe, but I had an immediate, intense desire to keep my kids safe, and loved, and fulfilled. And a lifetime of anxious wondering if I was doing the right thing just washed away... there was the right thing, in my arms!

Goals are awesome. I love goals. They are how I find motivation. But I have learned through a lot of trial and error that goals that focus on Me Me Me are unfulfilling even if I achieve them. Naked ambition is the ultimate Me Me Me goal... and it's much better to set goals about who you want to be to other people. (I need to write more about this; it's basically Alasdair Macintyre's read of Virtue Ethics, if folks are curious.)

A tweet that has always stuck in my mind forever: "oh you're "high agency"? that's cool, what can other people rely on you for?"

It feels freeing to know that the essence of life is love. It allows me to feel it more intensely and pay more attention to it. It allows me to give it in ways I was never able to give it before. It enables me to make a very intentional choice on how I want to live life. This may sound intense, but sometimes you need to find out the hard way how important something is. And I'm happy to feel and learn this at 22, even though the loss I experienced is heartbreaking.

There is something beautiful about living a simple, honest life. And I'm not sure if you can live that while taking on an ambitious professional path. I'm not sure if someone is able to live a life with deep, meaningful connections and relationships when pursuing some big goals. Sure, you can love. You can certainly be loved. But not with the same depth you could otherwise. And even then, because maybe you can, the goals you pursue don't matter. They are not real goals. They are some kind of fake ambition. And it is normal to have. Maybe even good to have. But I'm almost certain, there comes a point in your life where you realise that there is nothing more important than the people around you.

Why wait to live and feel deeply? For financial security? Maybe. I think that could be one of the only reasons why one would sacrifice their precious time on this planet. But many people don't realise they're already doing good. That those extra bucks won't move the needle to live a happier life.

And then, slowly but suddenly, you don't see it anymore. All these goals. All these objectives. They are noble and needed to sustain life. But they are not the end goal of life. You ask yourself the question, why wait? What was I even waiting for? The biggest trap is to always extend your goals and look for the next big thing. It always needs to be bigger. You're postponing your life for something that may happen.

But at what cost?

You pay for it. Working hard means you'll have less time for the little things in life. The little things that matter. Working hard means you're trading some of your time and attention you could have for reading that random article or book, watching that film, going to that theatre, going for that evening walk, starting that creative project, going on that trip, learning new hobbies, cooking that great meal, enjoying that sunset, seeing the beauty of nature, or, most importantly, spending time with your loved ones. Working hard simply means you have less time for boredom and the things that matter to you. It's actually quite simple. And I've learnt that boredom and time spent with loved ones inspire me more in my whole life (including work) than work itself.

Stepping out of my comfort zone does not mean starting that ambitious startup or joining that crazy company. No. Stepping out of my comfort zone means creating a simple, honest life. To take time for myself. I have found too much comfort in what for many is uncomfortable. And there is nothing to be found there.

I don't think the problem is not having limits on your ambition. I think it's about how you translate your ambition. You should translate your ambition in everything you do. The people you meet, the hobbies you have, the sport you do, the support you give to your family and loved ones. These things also deserve your ambition. Maybe even more than anything else. They deserve your attention.

I'm still figuring out the answer. I even think I'll never have an answer. Does anyone even have the answer? Do we even need an answer? It's possible that you'll have regrets when looking back at your life either way. What if I worked a bit more? What could I have achieved? Or, the other way around. What if I worked less and cared more about the people around me? What could I have experienced?

Kahlil Lalji wrote a blog post about love and ambition.

The older I get, the more I’ve come to see relationships as one of the most meaningful parts of life. Not as a nice-to-have. Not as something ornamental. Not as a reward you collect once you’ve achieved enough. But as one of the richest and most transformative experiences a person can have.

He later continues.

It asks for self-awareness. It asks for honesty. It asks for the ability to listen without immediately defending yourself. It asks for the discipline to tell the truth kindly. It asks for the maturity to distinguish between discomfort and incompatibility. It asks for the capacity to hold your own convictions while making room for another person’s needs, history, fears, preferences, and vision of the future.

In that sense, relationships are not anti-ambition. They are one of the highest tests of it.

And then touches on something I highly resonate with.

Not ambition in the shallow sense. Not the desire to accumulate status, admiration, or leverage. But ambition in the deeper sense: the desire to become more whole, more honest, more capable of building something meaningful with your life.

So, here it is. Maybe this is an answer in the end. It's about being able to translate your ambitions into something else than work. So don't put limits on your ambition. But translate it to live a "more whole, more honest life, capable of building something meaningful with your life".

Footnotes

1. With working hard, I mean working long hours. Working in the weekends. Working when you have only the slightest amount of free time. But it can certainly be interpreted in the broad sense. Every hour you work is an hour not spent on something outside of work. back